My Dearest Alisa
by Regardless1604
Summary: When a box of letters is given to Alisa before she leaves the island, she discovers a whole new side of a man she thought she knew. If only the lovely young woman had done things differently, perhaps things would have turned out better for the both of them.
1. The First Letter

**Am I starting a new story? Yup. Good idea? I'm not so sure.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.**

_My dearest Alisa,_

_I'm really not sure what I'm doing. I've never written my thoughts onto paper before, because I'm pretty sure real men don't keep journals._

The young woman smiled as she read the words, then lifted her eyes to look back at the sandy beach. The boat hadn't taken off but a minute ago and she was still able to make out the features of people's faces. Her eyes locked onto a certain face, a downtrodden expression staring back at her. Alisa smiled sadly and raised her hand in farewell, but he could only halfheartedly return the gesture. When he looked away, she returned her gaze to the paper in her hands.

_But I thought it might be good to write to you—I'm not sure if I'm going to give these letters to you, but I might._

She looked back to the island, which was not becoming smaller every second as the boat picked up speed. She could barely recognize who was who, except for a few defining features.

_This is going to be the first of many, I can tell you that much. I swore to myself that I would write you every day of the year, every year, even if I don't visit you as often as I used to. I'm pretty sure you know why._

Alisa knit her brow, her eyes flicking up to the top of the page where the date was written as her heart twisted in a knot, predicting what would come next. She took one last glance at the land, no longer able to see the people. Only the outlines of the buildings were visible and she stared at them until they disappeared from sight, not wishing to read the rest of the letter. She eventually forced herself to look back down, and the words that came next pained her almost as much as the day it had happened.

_You broke my heart, Alisa._

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't allow any of them to fall. She had to be strong for her cause.

_As I write this my blue feather is sitting on the table in front of me. When I got back home that day I almost threw it into the fireplace so I would never have to see it again. I'm not sure why I still have it. Maybe I'll keep it for a little longer, but I'm not sure how long I can stand to look at it._

She had known the reason why he had become so distant after that day. She knew it was her fault and her fault alone.

_So I thought that maybe if I write to you and visit you less, I'll stop loving you. I know that my logic makes no sense, but maybe it'll work. Maybe if I can write out your flaws on paper, even if they're addressed to you, I'll begin to hate you._

Alisa let out a strangled noise and Nathan gave her a concerned look. She waved it off and looked back at the letter, though a small frown began to form at the edges of her mouth.

_I think that if I hate you, it'll be less painful than loving you and never being able to be with you. I hope you understand._

Remorse welled up in her throat as she came to the last line.

_Because right now I just can't let you go._

She put a hand to her forehead as she looked at the box of letters that was sitting in her lap, unsure as to whether she could force herself to read all of them. What if they were all going to be like this; all of them trying to make her feel guilty about her decision. But as she thought about it, this was a fair punishment. What she did to the man was a terrible thing, and she should feel every drop of regret at its full potential. Ever since that day she had felt like a terrible hypocrite that had put up a front of quiet holiness. What a terrible deed she had done.

A pang of shame went through her as she read the name that was signed at the bottom.

_Mark_

Alisa folded the letter and looked back towards the island, but it was no longer there.

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**A/N: If you read my other stories, you'll be able to tell that this one is a bit... different. Especially since I usually aim for a 2,000 word minimum for each chapter. However, because each of these chapters will revolve around a different letter, they may not be so long. This also means that I should be updating faster than I usually do. Yay.**

**You may also be thinking that not much information was given in this first chapter, and I did that on purpose. I'm going to try to draw out the actual storyline throughout the chapters, and since I plan on making many, _many_ of them, the details on what actually happened between the two characters will be used sparingly for now.**

**So yes, I, A.J., the fan author who likes to make the plot super evident by use of lots of detail is trying something new. Lets only hope that it works out.**


	2. The Second Letter

**I was going to update this a few days ago, but I guess I got distracted. Whoops.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.**

Alisa shivered as she put the first letter back in its box. The chilly ocean wind flapped her light shawl around, and the fact that it was wintertime didn't make it any warmer. She sighed, remembering that it would take a little over an hour to get back to the mainland, but quickly caught herself before anymore negative thoughts plagued her mind.

"I must be thankful in all things," she quietly repeated the well recited lines. "To bring the news of the Harvest goddess is my purpose, and the circumstances do not matter. This is my role."

The words didn't carry as much comfort as they once had; instead, she remembered how she had said them after that sad day, the one Mark had written about in his first letter. With her attention coming back to the box, her hand hovered above it until she made up her mind to pluck the second envelope out.

She looked at the date, seeing that it was exactly the next day as from the first.

_My dearest Alisa,_

_I didn't sleep much last night. It's kinda hard to when I have so much on my mind. Remember how I used to visit you every day? It was nice having you listen to my problems. You always just sat there patiently and listened. You were great._

Alisa could almost feel the emphasis on the past tense, despite the fact that the letters of "were" were written just the same as all the other words.

_These days I talk to my cows. It's too bad they can't talk back, or give me advice. You always had the best advice. Maybe it's because you've devoted your life to the Harvest goddess, so you've probably gained some wisdom over the years. Sometimes I wish I was as smart as you, then maybe I would've known that it was a mistake to love you._

No, it was her fault that their friendship became a mistake. She shouldn't have led him onto believing false ideas.

_Lanna said that it was better to have loved than to never have, but I don't think she knows what she's talking about. After all, she is engaged to my best friend. Denny is a lucky guy, and a good one too. I talked to him about what happened and he doesn't blame you for it—in fact, he doesn't blame anyone. I guess it's his laid back nature that makes him feel that way. It's too bad that I don't feel the same._

No, he blamed himself, Alisa knew that much. It was horrible that he didn't realize she had tried to live a dream she knew she couldn't have. That was the price of following the Harvest goddess.

_I was so stupid, I should have left our relationship at just friends. I pretended that we could have a story together, and you made it so believable! But in the end, it never could have worked._

So he knew, too. Alisa blinked, realizing that he had been playing ignorant just as much as she had. And to think that she had thought that he hadn't regarded her position as something to factor into their lives. How sad.

_But I still like to think that you're a special case. That somehow you're above the rules, or even that Nathan would bend them for us._

Alisa glanced at said man, who was reading quietly. Nathan was a nice guy, and a father figure to her, but all the same she couldn't even think of asking him if she could do such a thing. It would be a betrayal of her vows.

_But it seems that that's not an option._

But… what if she _had_ asked Nathan? What if they would've been able to make a compromise? What would have happened then?

_And for that I'm sorry._

But it was too late for that now.

_Mark_

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**A/N: Guys, thanks so much for the positive response so far. It's really encouraged me with this story.**


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